A Letter to My Little Girl :)

To My Precious Little Peanut,

As I was rocking you to sleep tonight I couldn’t help, but start to cry. You’re my little miracle that showed me the wrong in my life. That little miracle that taught me there’s a bigger meaning to life. The little miracle that has pushed me to be a better person both inside and out and made me work for that. A little miracle that pushed me, to pursue my dreams in life sooner rather than later.  

Although you can’t understand why mommy’s gone so much now, someday I know you will. I go to school for you and me. So, I know that you’ll have everything you need in life. I go to work for you so I can make sure that we’re provided for. The time I spend at work, school, doing homework is for you my precious little bundle of joy.

I know we’ll have our problems down the road when you get older, but I’ll always be your mommy and I will always love you with all my heart. I hope that you’re not anything like me when I was a teenager because I might feel like kicking you in the butt all the time then. I want so much better for you than what I did for myself.

I’ve raised myself up in life with the help of a special person in my life. A person that I hope someday you find and hold close to…Jesus. He’s been my rock and shelter throughout the past year and a half. Even through the ups and downs in my life he’s never left my side. Even through all the stupidity that I’ve made in my life he never stopped loving me. No matter how small I thought I was he saw me for the person I was.

If there’s anything that I hope to teach you in the time that I have with you no matter how short or long it may be it’s that Jesus loves you through the thick and thin. When you feel as if there’s no one else you can rely on or no one else there that cares, remember he’s always there for you!

I know you don’t have a daddy here on earth and maybe someday you will, but you have a heavenly daddy who you can always turn to with all your troubles and cares no matter what time of day it is. He loves you so much that he sent his son for you, to die for you and to save you from a place of despair. He loved your mommy so much that he followed her, and nagged at her until she listened to him and turned her life around. He died for everyone, Grandma and Grandpa, Aunt Carrie, Uncle Derek and Uncle Cameron and even your daddy too.

God brought so many wonderful people into you and mommy’s life to help guide us in life. Help me raise you in the right way and in a Godly way. You have so many people who are like aunts and uncles, cousins, and grandparents here in Alto that even though we don’t have any blood family here we have a family here. A family made of people who care and love us both and do so much for us.

Mommy loves you peanut and I can’t wait to see what new first you do next. I can’t wait to watch you grow up into a beautiful woman someday.

                                                                                                                Love,

                                                                                                                Mommy

First night in her big girl bed. She's growing up so fast!

From Amy's first birthday!

"Hehe I've got grandpa wrapped around my finger" :)

I'm ready mom!

Ready for our first walk outside together in the new year :)

My wonderful Intro classmates!

Enjoyed having my cousin David from CT and Cousin Andrea from IL come visit Amy and I :)

Stay off the road Amy's driving! We're starting her early :P

Terry and his girls :) Except Laurie Sue is missing cuz she was taking the picture :(

Out taking a walk with mommy trying out the Titanic  Scene :)

A Year Already!

I just realized I hadn't written an update in quite some time! Almost a month actually because if I'm not mistaken the last post was the eight of February. Boy has quite a bit happened in the past month.
Amy of course has grown and continues to grow. She turns one today and I am feeling so incredibly blessed, that the Lord gave me my little girl. She has brightened my life and gave me the power and will to turn my life around. Although she wasn't a happy girl at her birthday party due to being sick I think she had plenty of fun :) She's in the stage of walking, but not quite gotten down the balance enough to walk all the time. So, now she gets into even more stuff, which makes for even more stuff her mommy has to pick up, but I don't mind (most of the time). She enjoys going to grandma and grandpa's house and getting to spend time with them.
Amy and I took a trip back to Illinois two weekends ago to visit my family. First time I've traveled that far alone with her and it went fairly well. We enjoyed seeing my family and a close friends newborn. Looking forward to this coming weekend when my cousin and uncle come up to visit Lord willing.
At the end of the month I started school to get my Medical Assistant certification and I'm excited to get the program done. I'm sure the next ten months will fly by like nothing! Today I actually took my first two tests and nailed them both and I couldn't be happier!
Maybe one of these days I'll have more time to sit down and write, but between school, being a mommy and working all of which are full time I don't have much time. May God bless your days, weeks and months ahead.

Beauty from Ashes!

Wow, it has been a long time since I've written a blog post. Hmm, what has happened over the last month boy a lot.
Amy started to stand on her own for longer periods of time and also took her first few steps on her own, which means walking for her is just right around the corner. There's also not a single way to get her to stay in one place for longer than five minutes. Even with her toys in the basement and me showing them to her she decides to crawl up the basement stairs at grandmas with a stuffed animal or two in her hands. It's hard to believe that it has been almost a year since she was born. I didn't believe people when they told me that it would go by fast, boy does it really go by. She continually keeps getting cuter and cuter every day :)
For me, Lord willing I plan to start school at the end of this month to get my Medical Assistant certification. I'm really looking forward to furthering myself, but not looking forward to the lessened time to spend with Amy. Up side is the program is only 10 months, so hopefully after that I will have tons more time with her. God's been faithful and continually showing me brand new things every day. I just love having God humble me day after day and showing me that I don't need to rely on myself alone or at all when I have God to rely on.
Driving down the road today I was reminded of God's beauty as I looked at the snow on the trees. Although definitely wasn't a fan of the snow on the roads I LOVED seeing the sun reflect off the snow. It's just awe striking how God takes two beautiful pieces of nature and combines them into one beautiful creation.

Psalm 50:2

Out of Zion, the perfection of beauty, God shines forth.

Have a blessed week!

New Year New Beginnings!

As the new year begins we are given time to reflect on the last year. A year ago I never imagined that I would be raising an adorable little girl who at times tests my patience but always brings a smile to my face. I never imagined that I'd give my life to the Lord and see life through a new set of eyes.
As the year began I grew closer to some friends and farther apart from other friends. Thinking back on the things in the past year though, I wouldn't have changed a single thing. Things happen all for a reason whether we understand them now or not.
The church news I guess you would call it was read this past Sunday and I had to stop and think as Ted read them. I came to Jesus, had a baby and was baptized all in the same year. What a year full of thanksgiving if you ask me. Next week will mark the day that I made a new beginning in my life with the Lord and a wonderful beginning at that.
Two months from now my little girl is going to be turning one and boy does that seem crazy to me. I can't believe it's been almost a year since she was born. Amy has been the biggest blessing in my life and has helped me to take control of my life.
Just watching as Amy has grown over the last year and seen her transition from helplessness to a slight independence has been so fun. She went from the little baby who needed to be carried everywhere, have mommy hold her bottle and not helping mommy get her dressed; to the little girl who crawls everywhere, gets into everything, feeds herself for the most part, and helps her mommy get her dressed and sometimes tries to run away when it's that time.
Ironically enough Carrie and I choose the first of the year to move into our new apartment. Today I actually finally finished putting my stuff away. Definitely a shorter period of time putting my stuff away than any other moves I have made.
Have a wonderfully blessed rest of the week :)

This is Amy Joy in the past year from beginning to now :)

Wow!

This poem only begins to describe how I've felt in the past 10 months since Amy was born. I can't see my life without my precious little bundle in it.

Mother Daughter Poem

Every child is special. Show yours that you care.

For My Angel....

© Leigh Johnson

You were very unexpected,
but you're special in my eyes.
Nobody's celebrating,
but My Dear, you are the prize.

People say you were an accident,
but that is so untrue.
You're a gift from high above;
my Angel through, and through. 

If I could go back,
I wouldn't change a thing. 
I couldn't live without you,
you make my heart sing. 

Sometimes I sit and wonder,
.....if you had never been.....
I've been through so much pain,
but I'd do it all again.

Some people said don't keep you,
but I did not agree.
Some people said I'm stupid,
they were blind and could not see.

That you were meant to be here,
and to cherish everyday.
You're my heaven sent,
and you're perfect in every way.

Some people said to give you up,
but that's something I could not do.
You are my Baby Girl,
and I need to be with you.

Ten tiny little fingers,
ten tiny little toes,
one tiny little body,
one tiny little nose!!

You are so small and innocent,
you're perfect all around.
You've got the special baby smell,
you make that baby sound. 

Nobody came to party,
only few came to see.
You are not what was desired,
but you are no less dear to me.

Christmas Time!

I was thrilled to be able to spend Christmas in the town I now call home. Many people still ask me if I'm heading home for the holidays, but in reality I am already home everyday. When I head back to Illinois, it's now a time when I'm heading back to visit instead of heading home. I knew this day would come someday, but I never imagined that it would happen so soon in my life. But, God has blessed me with a blessing of a future made out of a past of ashes. 

With Christmas of course comes presents and time with family and friends. All of that was not missed even though I wasn't around anyone who is blood family. Although I was around the people that I call family now also and I wouldn't have had it any other way. Even though it would have been nice to have my family around too. 

Amy didn't lack in the presents department this year as I don't think she ever will. I must say her favorite present wasn't the one her mommy got her, but the one that her Grandma Steffen got her. A soft little puppy who I must admit is pretty adorable. She looks for that puppy where ever she goes and boy is it just absolutely adorable! Among other things she got a beautiful blanket from her Great Grandma Crumbo (who made it herself).

I was thankful to get some gifts this year to help Carrie and I along with our apartment stuff. We are so excited to be moving out and have finally become ready to move, although neither of us have absolutely anything packed and we're supposed to move Tuesday. God works in different ways and I feel him working on something new in my life even though I have no clue what it is yet, but my trust is in him.

As I started my new job, I quickly realized how tiring a forty hour work week can be. Especially one you're not used to working a 2-10 shift doing some hard physical labor. But, I wouldn't give my job up for anything in the world. God has blessed me with a passion to care for others who are unable to do so for themselves and for that I couldn't be any more grateful. As a lot of people sometimes say about my profession it takes a special kind of person to do the job right and I have to agree with that. If your heart isn't in a job you aren't going to give it your all. 

We were all standing around the kitchen today talking and Derek tells Amy, "You're my favorite niece." Of course it's his only niece, but it just melted my heart to know that he thinks of her like that. It's definitely nice to hear that I'm his favorite little sister. It's definitely nice to have those older "brothers" who I can look up to and know that they're going to be there to give me good advice and to remind me that people really do care. I found this awesome quote that I put in Laurie's coffee mug: The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect, and joy in each others life. ~Richard Back

“When God Created Mothers"

When the Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into His sixth day of "overtime" when the angel appeared and said. "You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one." 

And God said, "Have you read the specs on this order?" She has to be completely washable, but not plastic. Have 180 moveable parts...all replaceable. Run on black coffee and leftovers. Have a lap that disappears when she stands up. A kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointed love affair. And six pairs of hands." 

The angel shook her head slowly and said. "Six pairs of hands.... no way." 

It's not the hands that are causing me problems," God remarked, "it's the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have." 

That's on the standard model?" asked the angel. God nodded. 

One pair that sees through closed doors when she asks, 'What are you kids doing in there?' when she already knows. Another here in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn't but what she has to know, and of course the ones here in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and say. 'I understand and I love you' without so much as uttering a word." 

God," said the angel touching his sleeve gently, "Get some rest tomorrow...." 

I can't," said God, "I'm so close to creating something so close to myself. Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick...can feed a family of six on one pound of hamburger...and can get a nine year old to stand under a shower." 

The angel circled the model of a mother very slowly. "It's too soft," she sighed. 

But tough!" said God excitedly. "You can imagine what this mother can do or endure." 

Can it think?" 

Not only can it think, but it can reason and compromise," said the Creator. 

Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek. 

There's a leak," she pronounced. "I told You that You were trying to put too much into this model." 

It's not a leak," said the Lord, "It's a tear." 

What's it for?" 

It's for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness, and pride." 

You are a genius, " said the angel. 

Somberly, God said, "I didn't put it there.” 
― Erma Bombeck, When God Created Mothers

We All Fall Down Sometimes and Cry, But We Get Back Up :)

As my week began I wasn't sure how it was going to go. But, the Lord was there to show me that he's standing right beside me in everything. One of the most important lessons I've learned even in the last day is to let go of what is in the past and focus on what God is bringing to my future. Isaiah 43:17-18 says: "Remember not the former things,
nor consider the things of old.
¹⁹ Behold, I am doing a new thing;

now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?"

It's as if God was telling me to be quiet and listen. I'm so thankful we serve a God who never gives up on us and never fails us even when we think he has. 

In this past week Amy's personality is really starting to come out and I see a little bubbly little girl who has a smile for anyone she meets whether it be right away or a few minutes down the road. It melt my heart just to see her little smile as I wake up in the morning. It just brings me the reminder of the faithful God we serve. She really brings light to my life when things seem so dark. God knew what I needed in that time of despair in my life.
I was thinking back to a year ago this time of year and there are all good memories! This time last year I had moved in with my best friend and we have some great memories from the time we lived together before she went and got married on me. Like drinking sparkling grape juice every night for a good two weeks. I headed home for Christmas around this time last year and spent some much needed time with my family. While home I got some maternity pictures taken and they turned out great and they're a great reminder of the bond between a mother and her unborn child!

I start my new job tomorrow afternoon and I'm thrilled. My generation it seems doesn't do enough for the older generation who taught our parents how to raise us. We don't appreciate the advice we're given often enough unfortunately because I think if we did we'd be better off. 
Today Amy decide she'd find out how it felt to take a tumble down the stairs. Let's just say she decided she didn't like it too well. Thank the Lord she is all right and as Laurie puts it, its a good think God made babies out of rubber because Lord knows how much they fall. 
At Amy's nine month appointment she weighed in at 22.5 pounds and 30.5 inches with a head circumference of 48 cm if I remember correctly. In other words she's getting big :) She's in the 100 percentile for height and 95 percentile for weight and head circumference. Trying to keep up with her growing with clothes is difficult. 
As we come into the Christmas holiday I'm thankful to have the holidays off this year. I'm happy to be able to spend the holidays in a place that I now call home...Alto. Alto has become my home and family over the past year and a half. God's really blessed me with such a great church that I now look at as family :)
Oh the things that go on here, like finding that a radio station is playing two different songs at the same time haha!
Here's some random photos to leave you with :)

She's a little ham when it comes to the camera!

She got mad when I walked away with the camera haha!

She's so engrossed in her toys :)

Opening her first Christmas present!

Everyone, but Grandpa watching Amy open her present from Grandma!

With a little help she did pretty good with opening her present!

It took a little prompting :P

She was a happy little girl with her present :)

Trying to figure out what it is!

Her present from Grandma!

 She loves her aminals :)

Again she's a ham ball :)

She's got a bubble personality :)

The things I do because I love her like sleep on the living room floor with her!

I'm innocent mom I promise ;)

Hanging out with Grandma and Aunt Carrie while mommy went and ran errands!