I am sitting here at a quarter after ten at night and my minds
still racing. I have just been thinking back on the past year and the few years
prior. I will have been in Michigan officially for a year Columbus Day weekend
that seems so crazy that it has not been longer. I have made many great
friends, grown apart from others, and others just are no
longer existent for one reason or another. I wouldn't go back in my
life and change a thing and I know that's a hard thing for someone to
understand, but I wouldn't be where I am in my life now if I hadn't gone
through all the things I have. It's truly amazing to me though how God can love
a wee sinner like me, even time after time of messing up, but he still loves me
no matter what I've done or what mistakes I may make. I cannot thank God enough
for that.
Back in high school,
I thought I was a Christian, and yeah I definitely went through that goody two
shoes (however, that phrase is spelled) stage unbelievably. I went through that
rebel stage just like many teens and I would not go back and change that
because I learned a lot through that stage and more than anyone can imagine. I
got into some trouble in high school and did stuff that I'm am not proud of,
but it's helped me to reach decisions on how I'm going to parent my own
daughter and what she'll be allowed to do and what she won't. Sometimes I think
maybe I am a little over protective at times, but I guess I would rather be
overprotective than not protective enough.
My senior year of
high school I started going to a church that off branched from the Apostolic
Church in Tremont and things were going great until that March (I think that is
when it was), then my life started getting out of control. When I think back
and look at it my life was already starting to get that way the second semester
of my junior year. Sometimes I would love to go back and smack myself and be
like are you serious why are you doing these things. I just wonder now what
happened to the girl who was into track her sophomore year and had
the good friends and not the bad influencing ones (no I wouldn't say all my
friends were bad influences because they weren't).
However, as I
think about the friendships that were lost when I moved up here, I realize that
they obviously were not the good and true friendships because otherwise we
would still be friends. Some were ended because I changed, others ended because
they did not like what I had to say when they asked. Nevertheless, there is no
reason to cry over spilled milk.
I moved up here to
Michigan in August of 2011 for college, it was the best move I could have ever
possibly made, and I am glad I did. I started at Calvin in the fall of 2011
about a month after finding out that I was expecting my beautiful little girl.
I did not really know what to think, I did not know what to do and I definitely
was feeling the pressure to make a quick decision. In a span of a two-week period,
I made the quick decision to do adoption, and leave Illinois and go to a state
where I knew no one all by myself.
In October of 2011
my aunt, uncle and their kids came up to visit and I was acquainted with
the apostolic church here in Alto. I am ecstatic that I did. I cannot
imagine my life without all the wonderful people here, who have all been
nothing but supportive of my little girl and me. I started religiously coming
to church every Sunday and most Wednesday's. I got acquainted
with some awesome girls up here and made friendships that have really helped me
out a lot.
While up here, I
made some friendships that we have grown apart and it really hurts to know
that. There have been people that I have truly cared a lot for, that we have
just grown apart from each other and it has become awkward when talking with
them. It makes me wonder on some of them what happened while on others I know
exactly what happened. I just have to TRUST that God has a plan for all these
friendships and those we may have grown apart because the friendship was
unhealthy or just unhelpful, or that God just has a lesson for me to learn from
that friendship. I love all my friends past, present and future, whether
we are still friends or not.
There are those
people up here who I know I can count on no matter what the problem is. Whether
it is someone to check my car out, someone to talk to when I am having a rough
day or just someone to hangout with and have some relaxing fun. God brings
people in and out of our lives for a reason; we just have to allow him to show
us the reasoning behind it.
This past Sunday
we had two very convicting sermons to me. I have not had a sermon hit me sooo
hard in so long. It made me stop and think about my past friendships and how
they were; it was a major wakeup call of what in the world was I thinking. I do
not mean that in a bad way either. I would not change any of the friendships I
have had because they have given me a new perspective on life, both good and
bad and that I am thankful.
As I am sitting here,
typing my mind is slowly, slowing itself down which I am so thankful for,
because it is definitely past this mommy's bedtime. Well Labor Day weekend I
headed back to Illinois for the weekend and got to spend some time that was
definitely due with my grandparents. We finally got time to talk for once in a long
time without those interruptions of my little cousins (who I do LOVE dearly).
My grandma told me she was surprised when I decided to go to
a Christian college. I only applied to Christian colleges actually, I
never applied to a single state school and boy am I glad. Do not get me
wrong Christian colleges are not all they are cracked up to be. There are still
their parties people are just more careful at hiding them. Honestly when I
think back to the time I was applying to colleges, I am even surprised myself
that I WANTED and ONLY applied to Christian colleges because that was
definitely not the type of person I was. However, I am surely glad I did.
I have to say I
can tell a difference in my life and I know others can too. I can say that I
got emotional for the first time in a long time on a trip back to Illinois a
few months back when my uncle for the first time in awhile told me I looked
nice. I do not know that he really realizes how much that really meant to me,
for the one father figure who I rebelled against for six and a half years to
say something sweet and nice. I can say that my relationship with him is ten
times better now than it was a year and a half ago and I love him dearly.
Enough about me
already, what about Amy, I am sure that is what you are all thinking :P
Well let us see
what Amy has started doing in the last couple of weeks...
She started
sitting on her own, which threw her mommy into an emotional overload, and her
mommy cried. I find myself crying at every new milestone she hits. She is
definitely trying to learn how to crawl as she gets on all fours and rocks back
and forth it is definitely ADORABLE! That personality of hers is starting to
come out of the wood works. Today I was taking a picture of her and I look at
the picture and she has one eyebrow cocked up, it's funny her mommy makes the
same face. She has started refusing some of her baby food (probably due to all
the table food she is fed at dinner). But, I am okay with that because we are
almost done with the baby food in the cupboard.
She is finally
over the ear infection, but we have gone straight into the teething stage. I
can tell you I do not like teething one bit. Poor girl has a fever off and on
throughout the day (not very high), chewing intently on everything, drooling
like a dog (for a lack of comparison), and sleeping so much. I will definitely
be glad when that tooth comes through, as I am sure so will she :)
Amy does not like
the car rides to Illinois and back too well I have found. It is a lot of
fussiness about three hours into the trip. I hope that she will do okay on the
way to Taylor at the end of the month.
I know I never
have talked about Amy's dad to anyone really EVER, but do pray for him, that he
will come to the good Lord before it is too late. Pray for a quick recovery
from what the cops believe were gang members who beat him up for gang
their initiation (note Amy's father is NOT in a gang).
The person I would
like to talk about in this blog post who has had a great influence in my life
is Curt Kaeb. I met Curt for the first time when my aunt and uncle came up and
they stayed with Curt and his wife Luanne. He was kind of like my grandpa in
the sense that he is not afraid to talk to strangers :) He got my number and
told me that I could stay with him and Luanne on the weekends if I wanted and he
would even have one of his boys come and get me. Believe me what was going
through my mind was not a thought of joy at the time it was a though of oh
great, just what I need someone hassling me about church, but I am glad he did
in a very subtle way.
He called me two
weekends after the first Sunday I was in church and invited me to stay at his
house even though they'd be away, I wouldn't have went back to church if he
wouldn't have called me up that Saturday afternoon. I shared that with him, his
wife and his boys not too terribly long ago. Curt's a person who God sent me
that Columbus Day weekend. The person that I needed to give me a kick in the
butt and say in a rather subtle way you need to be back at church and focusing
your life on God's plan for you not your plan for you.
Curt and I talked
about making a toy box for Amy for quite a few weeks in a row, and we never got
around to making one together (which is kind of a bummer). But, a few Sundays ago,
Amy got sick and we went home from church. When Terry and Laurie got home,
Laurie told me Curt had given them a toy box for Amy. I just had to smile
because he remembered. He had found a toy box and it is the cutest thing ever. It
is this little wicker toy house box. I could not have asked for anything
better.
Curt has just been
such an inspiration to me in my life and I am thankful everyday that God
brought him, his wife and his kids into my life. His family holds a special
place in my heart and they always will.
Just a few
pictures from our trip to Illinois :)
She was a tired girl after our morning with my second mom Kathy :)
Like mother like daughter :)
She and Great Grandpa had to make sure the chair didn't fly away :P
In the garage watching Great Grandma and Grandpa on the day we left :)
Such a snugly baby :)
